The Relationship Between Storms, Change and Counseling

Last week, an unexpected hailstorm, blew through Chester County hitting the towns of Exton, Downingtown and West Chester very hard. It was a lovely sunny afternoon then all of a sudden there were thunder and lightning in the midst of the clear blue sky. It grew darker and the wind picked up speed blowing new summer leaves off the trees. Then the ice came down pummeling newly sprouted plants. By the end of it all, spring blooms were no more and carefully mulched and mowed lawns tattered with leaves and debris. Nothing was spared.

We have so little control of many things in life; nature being one of them. Nature is non – negotiable. Nature has its’ own patterns of balancing itself. Things can get interrupted or even destroyed – It is neither personal nor discriminatory. Something is lost and something new emerges. This is the essence of change and balance – The cycle of life.

As a Chestnut Hill, Philadelphia and West Chester, PA based counselor, I work with people moving through their own personal storms involving changes that were not wanted, including divorce, job loss, death of a loved one, addictions, etc. These experiences often bring up strong emotions, which can feel overwhelming. If vulnerable to reactivity, situations like these can trigger self-defeating behavior, including bingeing on food or alcohol, excessive spending, raging on a loved one, quitting a job without a plan and many other unproductive actions.

Just like a major storm, where opposites intersect via cold meets heat resulting in a powerfully fueled storm system, our human conflicts can meet and when opposite they can clash and create crisis. When we do not know how to deal with the situation and put it off or minimize its’ importance, tension from repressed emotions builds beneath the surface. Time passes and when a stressor occurs - Wham!

Maybe a person realizes that they are tolerating poor treatment after years of telling themselves it is okay, or awareness is reached that their career is not fitting and they have been trying to force it, or a person realizes that they are not compatible with their mate. These are tough situations to realize and accept.

We need to let something go to have something else grow and replace it – Sometimes it is a skewed perception or outlook – Sometimes it involves making a tangible change. Making changes like these are uncomfortable for most of us. It can feel immensely unsettling when in “limbo like state” of the in between.

Effective counseling and behavior therapy provides an opportunity on how to manage and even thrive in the in between times and helps with becoming more flexible in response to the winds of life – Growing more resilient and stress hardy. We can then live in less fear and resistance understanding and remembering that the flowers and plants will grow back again, maybe not until the next year or perhaps looking a bit different, but according to nature's order.

Recovery - Healing: Forbearance and Resulting Gifts - Part #4

Recovery & Healing: Turning “Crisis into Opportunity"

Part #4: Forbearance and Resulting Gifts

Our world has become fast, furious and bottom line oriented. Technology tools like texting, emailing, Face-Time, SKYPE, on-line shopping and others set an expectation that we are all accessible 24/7 with no "wait time." Our expectations for quick response can be almost addictive and our dependency on these technologies an addiction. Regardless, we have become "trained" to expect immediate response - It is easy to lose sight of process and that all things take their own time.

Healing is a process not an event. Recovery and healing from addiction, depression, chronic pain, distress/ burnout and other medical issues take time. These issues tend to take longer in the making and therefor are not quick to resolve -- Paying attention to the nuances of these conditions and healing is important to be able to recognize progress and sustain motivation. This is where forbearance comes into play.

Forbearance is a form of patience - tolerance or self-control, especially in not responding to provocation. Forbearance requires refraining from action: the fact of deliberately not doing or saying something when you could do or say it. This is not the same as shutting down or repressing one self, but consciously choosing to suppress action in favor of the overall good of the situation. Forbearance is necessary in life and a quality that comes with maturity and wisdom. As we get older we often come to see that we have little control over many things that happen, and that we need to find other ways to cope which go beyond "grinning and baring" or resisting and pushing through circumstances. Through forbearance we often learn more about ourselves and the process of life.

Forbearance is another learning that sounds simple but is not easy! But it is worth developing as we learn to understand ourselves, our behavior patterns, assumptions, and motivations. We also learn about others, and the overarching process of how things work in the world and how the pieces come together in their own timing. This helps with learning to be more relaxed and present in the moment and not be over-focused on the future at the expense of living more fully right now. We also learn to be more patient and accepting of ourselves and others, and be the kind of people with whom others feel safe and enjoy spending time. And, of course, our efforts and goals have more opportunity to be completed.

In order to get and to stay well staying centered, in the moment, organized and balanced is required. This may sound immensely simple but again, not easy! In behavior therapy we learn how to develop skills to focus and be more mindful (less reactive), process difficult emotions, tolerate and cope with distress and to advocate for ourselves in a graceful and effective manner. By increasing our life skills in these areas we decrease the stress and pressure on our bodies, freeing up energy for improved functioning and well-being. We establish the roots of health and wellbeing - http://myintegratedtx.com/our-philosophy/ .  

Getting Well - Staying Well: Healing vs. Cure - Part #3

Recovery and Healing: Turning “Crisis into Opportunity"

Getting Well - Staying Well: Healing vs. Cure - Part #3

As a Philadelphia and Chester County - based therapist, certified addictions counselor and co occurring disorders/ dual diagnosis specialist, I see clients in my practice who have been trying to work through tough health, mental health and addictions challenges for a long time.

"When am I going to feel better?" "When are things going to change?" These are questions that my clients in my practice in Chestnut Hill and West Chester, PA ask when feeling uncomfortable or when life presents an illness, disability, or loss - some sort of crisis that was not asked for but happened.

There are times in life when we want change and often need change to happen in order to establish or restore well-being. However, as adults who have been around a while, perhaps we know that change is a process not an event. That there is no real "cure" to our problems or conditions - But, our desire for things to be fixed can keep us searching for immediate solutions and attached to false expectations, reinforcing and prolonging our discomfort.

I listen closely to people's life experiences. I hear about the adversity and struggle that people have endured and survived.  Although such wear withal is a sign of strength, such rallying can certainly take a toll over the long term. When help is long overdue is only natural to want to be done and better. So, it is important to be aware of expectations and to have a sense of the difference between curing and healing.

"Cure" is intermingled in the definition of healing, healing means something very different than merely "curing" or eradicating illness or disease, but restoring to balance, repairing, and returning to soundness. Healing often has more to do with emotions and a sense of safety; fostered by self- respect and control, and having positive people and conditions in one's life. Healing requires the deeper work of change involving reflection, self-examination and acceptance of what was and is. This type of settlement prepares the foreground for health and life-long well-being, the type of inner comfort and satisfaction that most of us long for and see in others who we deem "enlightened," but often do not know how to attain for ourselves. Healing is necessary for any lasting change to take place.

Starting with "what is" and accepting "what is" is the starting point - developing a willingness and capacity for being and staying in the moment and noticing what is real as compared to the mental fiction of our minds is necessary if we wish to develop inner resilience and strength.  Being able to follow and notice the moment to moment changes within ourselves, including our thoughts and emotions and how we respond to other people and our environment is part of regaining control of ourselves, behavior and improving our lives.

One of my favorite as well as being a client favorite books for teaching mindfulness and how it is linked to our health and well-being is The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle. His teaching on the "Pain Body" is helpful in understanding the mind-body connection.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcgSYC3h1ew

Join us next week to read about: Recovery - Healing: Forbearance and Resulting Gifts

Recovery and Healing: Crisis Meets Opportunity - Part #2

Crisis Meets Opportunity

What can be more traumatic than addiction? To become aware of being out of behavioral control and attached to a substance and or process to the point of sheer destruction of one's life? Sounds pretty scary - Not to mention the "ripple effect" of such a crisis, on others connected to the individual, family, workplace, etc. This can make for a highly complex issue leaving people feeling confused, overwhelmed and powerless. However, whether one is dealing with addiction, depression, pain issues or the like, deep within the situation there is a way through it - solutions, and a gem of opportunity waiting to be discovered.

The Chinese have been aware of this phenomenon for thousands of years. In Chinese the word for crisis consists of two characters: one meaning danger, and one meaning opportunity. Why? Because crisis always feels dangerous and can indeed be dangerous. However, it is often our response to sudden or unwanted events which impact outcomes and the future; but that can be tough to see in the moment when paralyzed by fear. Our fear of danger may be necessary for self-protection in some cases, but can distract us and impair our ability to see through presenting situations and identify important information and solutions. We often miss themes and patterns that are embedded in such circumstances which are clamoring for our attention and trying to provide guidance for us to find our way. Hence, the interpretation of the Chinese proverb also says that it is the rare person who can see the opportunity within a crisis.

In talking health and wellness, we need to recognize that our symptoms are messages communicating our needs, fears and wants. As a trusted mentor once said, "It is easy for human beings to mislabel experiences as symptoms." It is natural to not want to be uncomfortable and when we do feel uncomfortable we may be apt to view our unwanted experiences as symptoms to be cured. But, when this type of thinking occurs, we miss the learning and information we need to create more productive conditions to move forward, to learn about ourselves and our needs.

Recovery and Healing: Turning “Crisis into Opportunity" - Part #1

Greetings Readers - 

Welcome to the Living Well Weekly Blog! I’m Paula Tropiano, Counselor and Behavior Therapist practicing in Chestnut Hill, Philadelphia, and West Chester, PA. Over many years of practice, I have learned that no problem is about one thing and one thing only. Most difficulties are accompanied by others, but rooted in a common issue, functioning as the “eye of the storm.” So, whether the presenting problem is addiction, dual diagnosis, mood problems, impulse control, stress/ burnout, ET al., or even difficulties with relationships and work, there are often underlying habits of thinking, emotions and or a medical issue(s) that need to be addressed.  Problems often play off of one another and be confusing then after years of building beneath the surface they intersect and then surface with the force of the “perfect storm” resulting in crisis. But, there is hope!

In my practice, Integrated Treatment Solutions, we aim to get to the behavioral “roots” of presenting challenges, including persistent conditions that impact human health, performance and well-being.  It is our goal to empower our clients to be effective in each area of their lives – To shift obstacles into challenges to be overcome, resulting in improved functioning and new opportunities.  

This Blog entry has four parts which will be posted over the month of May. Healing: Turning “Crisis into Opportunity"– is focused on healing and how presenting crisis can be leveraged to create increased opportunity for well-being - To define the difference between the notion of a "Cure" vs. the deeper lasting changes which come with true healing; to learn the difference between reacting and responding - And, ultimately, identify opportunities for growth, acceptance, and health within the crises that life presents.

We hope you find this news useful and encourage you to forward the Blog onto a family member or a friend.

Your input and comments are welcome.

Looking forward to the conversation!

Warm regards,

Paula Tropiano, LPC, CCDP-Diplomate

Getting Unstuck, the Importance of Perspective

One of my clients recently asked me "How can you deal with the intensity of treating addiction every day?" Given the fact that I work with people with chronic, often tough to treat conditions, this is certainly not the first time that I have been asked this question. But relayed the same usual simple response - "Where there is crisis there is opportunity." This is certainly not my quote, but part of a more comprehensive and profound set of teachings originating from ancient Eastern philosophy. However, as a clinician as well as a person on the journey of life I find the message to ring true. It is the opportunity for new possibilities packaged within the presenting crisis that I find exciting and keeps me engaged in the facilitation of the change process!

However, what does a person do when the reality of crisis sets in? When a long-term job or relationship has been lost? Or, pain fails to subside after a surgery? Or, upon diagnosis of a potentially life threatening health issue? It is normal to want things restored back to balance and back to the way they were, but everything changes and nothing ever stays the same. Our response to crisis can either move things along following the natural flow of how the universe works or our fears and resistances can prolong our discomfort and create suffering, keeping us stuck. The way we perceive and interact with the events in our lives can deeply impact our experience and ability to move forward.